---------------
My good friend, the Insideplaya wrote the following forward to my piece, since I had originally submitted this to his blog-site back in October 16, 2008...
SAP software consultant, veteran concert goer, pop culture enthusiast and keeper of the heat, The Wirk has been extra with the bizzyness lately. In additon to checking in from time to time, she’s been catching the live concerts of both Tina Turner and Janet Jackson.
Per The Wirk, as has been detailed previously on this space, Tina can do no wrong. On the other hand, Janet may need to throw an extra salad or two in the game.
Please find below, the hillarious review of Ms. Jackson’s DC performance from last night. Enjoy!
insideplaya
----------------
And now my blog begins...
So anyone who knows me knows I’ve been a Janet Jackson fan for years… It started with Control – and I wore that tape out… My first fiancé remarked that he’d never seen me dance so hard at a concert – like I did for Janet Jackson… Perhaps I only remember this bc he also told me I called him a pu**y for crying when his parents flew home… Yes, sometimes I can be insensitive. Whatever. I didn’t want to be late for the show.
It was the All for You tour I think, and it was 2002. I saw that show twice – once in DC and once in Cleveland. Yeah, if the show is good – I’ll hit the road or grab a flight and do it again… I’m obsessive and compulsive about my passions and music and sports are my passions… That tour was awesome – from the start to the end – Janet gave you her all… I mean, damn – the tour was called “All For You” and she delivered it all for ME as far as I was concerned… Non-stop dancing except for her signature ballads and a flashback movie clip to Tupac in Poetic Justice… Janet had abs and looked happy. Show was tight. That was a Janet Jackson concert… That was how it’s SUPPOSED to be done…
Fastforward to 2008… Word was that Janet wasn’t selling and was performing to “half-full” concert arenas… I’ve seen over 120 Cleveland Cavaliers games before Lebron got on the scene… I know what “half-full” looks like and it’s a sad bldg when no one shows up… I don’t blame Janet for cancelling tour dates bc she got sick.. But as far as I can tell, from her Rubenesque physique, the only ailment she could’ve been suffering from is “slowticketitis”. But now I’m getting ahead of myself.
So the concert was Wednesday night in DC. I’d already gotten my seats for the show in Jersey (that’s tomorrow) months ago… I usually travel to a client site Mon-Thurs so I can’t plan during the week what city I’m in so since the date in Jersey was a Fri I chose that show.
The day the Jersey dates went on sale, my brother and I were both online jamming up the site to buy the seats. Section 4A on the floor… Should be good, right?!? Wrong. I checked the seat map and the Izod Center is probably the only venue that has the higher number sections closer to the stage… WTF.
Anyway – I’m gonna try to deal those seats, when I get to Jerz tomorrow, and move closer to the stage to see the show again and see if I feel the same way about the scene I witnessed last night…
OK – so I’m laying around yesterday and notice that Janet is in town tonight in DC. I talk my girl into going with me to the show and to be honest, I think the fact that LL Cool J was supposed to open up was the point that sold her… “I do not want to hear Janet sing about her coochie all night long,” is what my friend kept saying on the phone. Fine – I get it. But last I checked, I’m not responsible for Janet’s set list… My girl and I agree on a price of $100 for a ticket. If we can’t get in (translate: get a damn good seat) for a $100 we agree to bolt and head to the movie theater.
I get downtown first and outside the bldg I see my scalper friends and ask what they have in the way of inventory. They show me 2 floor seats, section 6… I tell them I know nothing about engineering and don’t want to work the soundbooth. They tell me the tickets are $150/each and who knows – instinctively ,I may have wanted to backhand the fool – bc the guy was gone almost immediately…
Another guy comes over and shows me two 400 level seats and tells me he wants $80/ticket. I told him he owes me $80 for looking at those sad tickets! Are these people crazy?!!
This is Janet – and she’s not selling… I’m off to the box office to see what I can score bc I know that those scalpers will be working those tickets on the street for a while…
At the window I ask for the best 2 available. Row F, Section 1 is what she says. I check the map and the ticket lady has a deal. I’m gonna buy them at the box office for $129.75/ticket. I pay. I text my friend and tell her what I scored.
My girl complains I’m not good with a budget and I explain she can go hit the street if she likes and that I’m not the one who priced the tickets in the first place. We laugh.
First problem – no LL Cool J. My guess is that he told Janet to F’ck off because he’s trying to move his cd and doesn’t appreciate his concert dates getting cancelled. I make a mental note to check all the House of Blues and Hard Rock dates when I get home and find LL myself.
Since there’s no LL we get a DJ… I think it’s DJ Quicksilver and he did alright. AND YES, he played Cassanova and it was hot (but that’s not a representative population sample). There was a flashy guy getting down to MIA’s track, and he was putting on quite a show in the section to my left, until the bigger guy behind him made him sit down… Asshole.
It’s not the dancing queen’s fault that it’s 8:20 and Janet still hasn’t taken the stage… I looked for a youtube video today of the kid in the crowd doing his routine – it’s not posted yet. Around 8:40 Janet takes the stage. This is the Janet that I’m supposed to believe, has been suffering from illness… Aren’t sick people supposed to be skinny?!?!
Sick people and crackheads are supposed to be skinny – that’s what I was taught in Ohio and as far as I can tell the only exceptions to this rule are Janet Jackson and Shawn Kemp. I love ‘em both – but damn…. How many IV’s did Janet get and what were the full of ? Janet doesn’t look weak… She looks strong like a “bull”…
So Janet comes out and my friend and I look at each other and we both can see it in each others’ eyes – WTF?!?! How many servings of mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese has she been having?!?!? Janet is thick… If I didn’t know better – this is her mom Katherine… This is not Janet Jackson….
So she’s on stage and singing… I mean her face looks like Janet… Now she’s started dancing… Hmmmm… Early on she’s doing alright but after a while, you can see she’s sweating buckets (buckets of sweat and grease from whatever she’s been eating are flying into the air). She’s sweating like Patrick Ewing! I have no idea what’s going on but I swear she’s half-stepping… Half-stepping – not all out dancing?!?!
Noooooooo, this is not Janet Jackson… This half-stepping reminded me of the trainwreck Britney had for the stupid song Give Me More – which incidentally is probably what Janet was yelling backstage in her dressing room when the food trays emptied… This is not good.
I grabbed a water bottle before the show bc I knew I’d be singing all night. I have a water bottle in my hand, and I catch Janet looking at me too hard… Crap. I think she wants my water bottle or she just may jump down off the stage and try to eat me… There’s a huge empty area in front of me. Technically my friend and I are in the 3rd row of our section and the 1st row was inhabited by 2 wheelchairs and their guests.
Notice the wheelchair accessibility in front of me...
There was a bit of a scene before the show started when the couple in the 2 seats in the row ahead of me, were arguing about whether or not they could stay in their wheelchair assisted seats since the “wheelchair” didn’t show up. Evidently, the policy is the wheelchair must show up – so that couple was moved to the side… They were pissed – but serves them right, for trying to pull a scam.
Janet does her thing on stage – and if you’ve seen her concerts before it’s the same formula. A medley of fast songs, a few slow songs, she brings the dude on stage, and then some more fast songs. The recipe hasn’t changed, but her look sure has…
Whoever Janet has as her stylist should be beat down… The hair needs to be changed or only stay for a song or two… Whoever said the banana clip Mohawk was “hot” needs to get punched in the mouth… This is awful…
I realize there’s a lot of dancing involved, but if Tina can wear heels – so can Janet. I don’t need to see her in what looked like hightops, regardless if they’re gold or not. That’s BS– and I don’t care if it’s bc she opened up with Pleasure Principle and she’s taken it “back”…
Regardless, the outfits are a bit strange… Think Tina meets Aretha meets the Klumps… I just don’t know. I do know that if I was gonna perform in front of 20K people I’d wear something that fit or was a lil more forgiving. Why do Janet’s stylists hate her? It’s reminiscent of the “emperor’s new clothes”… Terrible. And the red dress for the one ballad was so Britney meets Celine Dion that if I thought I could make it back and forth to get some food for me or the beast, I would’ve hit the concourse…
I wonder if Janet could see the confusion in my eyes, when she’d stand in front of our section and I’d look at her like I was trying to console her. It’s gonna be alright, Janet. Isn’t she the one supposed to be in “Control”?!? This is not the Janet I expected.
I don’t know if the problem is Jermaine Dupri’s influence or that she just doesn’t give a sh*t anymore, but all I could think of is even Whitney is trying to get back on track and Tina tore it up in Chicago two weeks ago… This is not Janet….
Janet needs to respect herself and the audience and go all out when she’s on that stage. I don’t want to hear that she’s 40 something…. Tina is 60 something and left no question in my mind that she can still get it done. I remember Janet saying she was talking to her brothers about them going on tour with her – presumably, before LL signed on… I can only imagine her brothers looking at her across a table (I’m assuming dinner table as opposed to boardroom) and thinking “Nah, I’m good.” They probably thought the tour would be sponsored by Popeye’s or KFC… WTF… This is not Janet…
The whole show, I wonder if my mouth was open in shock. I have no idea. I do know that I believe in second chances and I’ll be in Jersey tomorrow to see the show at the old Continental Airlines Arena. If the show is whack, I’ll check out the concessions… God knows, Janet will have done so before me…
THE WIRK
No comments:
Post a Comment